SEX BRIBES…

Here is a post for my partnered readers… Does your relationship involve the bartering of sexual services? Maybe it should.

I recently read an article where a certain female celebrity admitted to providing a certain “special something” to her man whenever she stepped into a kitchen that he had surprisingly cleaned for her. Some consider this admission crass or ‘TMI,’ but I actually find it refreshing. I think most women do not fully appreciate the power of a well-executed sexual bribe.

For men, a sex bribe involves the ultimate incentive- giving him a clear roadmap to get that special something he wants or appreciates. Most men really enjoy knowing that when they follow directions, there is a reward at the end. “Honey do” lists are popular in some relationships. The wife leaves behind a list for her man of tasks that she would like him to do. Such a list eliminates the need for him to telepathically divine which tasks she wants done, and most happy men prefer this method to her returning home and expressing disappointment that tasks C and F on her mental list were not completed.

But whenever someone confides in me that their partner leaves lists of tasks for them to complete, my immediate question is always “and what has been offered in exchange for completion of the requested tasks?” Anyone who says “she won’t be angry” or “nothing” is in an unbalanced relationship that, in my opinion, is destined to fail. Some will say “a night out with my friends,” “a day at Top Golf,” or “that camping trip I’d been asking to go on.” These exchanges seem a healthy balance of effort and experience. These couples are doing fine.

But what about that celebrity who rewards housework with sexual favors? In my humble opinion, that is a very smart lady. First of all, the promise of an enthusiastic sexual act focused exclusively on the pleasure of your man is almost always going to be successful. Most men would gladly rake those leaves for a bj. Or wash those dishes. Or do that laundry. Or change out those storm windows. Or go do that food shopping. Or wash her car. Or cook dinner. Or all of the above. You get the idea— men are simple. To have the woman they love attending to their most intimate needs on a regular basis will result in a man willing to swim in shark-infested waters or climb any mountain. Simple household tasks— ladies, you can already consider them done.

And how about requests for goods rather than helpful services? What if she wants that expensive handbag, that new car, or that ridiculously overpriced piece of jewelry that she might only wear twice a year? This is where I think sex bribes might become problematic. Many very attractive young women are aware that there is an extremely vast “sugar daddy” market out there. And rather than pursue meaningful relationships, some of these women instead pursue things. And mediocre or unsatisfying sex in exchange for cash, things far outside of her price range, or even financial security, is an exchange many young women today happily undertake. By doing this, I fear these women commoditize themselves and it is a perfect setup for disappointment and lowered self-esteem down the road. No matter the youthfulness or beauty of a woman renting out her body to a sugar daddy, she cannot do this forever. One day, there will always be a younger, sexier lady to knock her off of her daddy’s payroll. And what happens then? Rather than spending months or years testing relationships, exploring sexual growth with a loving partner, or figuring out what type of partner she needs, she is suddenly left to begin figuring out what it means for a man to want, appreciate, and love her… but I digress.

All of you greedy fools who think a sex bribe can be retroactive— think again. If you should read this blog post and think now you have a basis for a sexual demand based on something done before an agreement is struck, you don’t.

A proper sex bribe is actually a legally binding contract between loving parties. Said parties must enter into the agreement sober and in full agreement of all of the contract terms. There is no place for ambiguity in a binding sex bribe. The specific good or service requested must be clear in terms of the quality of the good (so don’t buy her that matchbox car and expect the prize for the real automobile) or the extent of the services, including a specific deadline for completion of the requested service. If a threesome is on the table in exchange for that piece of jewelry— the agreement must be clear on the specifics of the item desired, deadline for performance of the threesome, the gender of the third party to join the threesome, who gets to select the third party, as well as any and all limitations on the behavior of the parties during said threesome. A sex bribe is useless if parties are not on the same page as to all essential terms.

But an openly and fairly negotiated sex bribe is binding, and any partner who welches on a sex bribe shall be subject to relationship termination and public shaming. Sorry— but you don’t ever back out of a sex bribe contract with your beloved partner.

And sex bribe contracts can actually be a lot of fun for open-minded and adventurous couples. They are not only fun to use but they can also be a fun way to test each other’s desires and boundaries. For example, I once learned how much my partner really hated doing the laundry when she provided an incredible list of filthy things she would do in exchange for me doing her laundry for a year. (By the way, she welched on our agreement a few months in and the relationship was doomed.) I once learned how much a partner really detested a particular sex act, as she was unwilling to consider it— even in exchange for a weeklong vacation to Hawaii. So sometimes sex bribes are really fun things to discuss— even if a binding agreement never materializes.

I highly encourage them. So do certain California Girls.

YoniMaster Rick