Sadly, many partnered women who seek out my services identify their own sex life as an unfulfilling dull routine.

With the increasing demands of careers and family, many couples find themselves with less and less time for a fulfilling sex life. By way of this blog, I am offering some very practical ways that even the busiest couples can reignite the flames of passion in their sex life.

TALK ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR PARTNER

Couples that communicate regularly about their sex lives are usually having the best sex. Especially when their regular check-ins go beyond “we’re good, right?” and delve into fun areas like each member’s wants, needs and sexual fantasies. And when actively discussing (meaning both talking and listening) their sex lives, it is essential that each person sets aside judgment to try to understand exactly what the other person wants and needs, and why it is stimulating to them. Even if your partner’s turn-ons are not necessarily stimulating to you. As long as your partner’s desires do not result in a permanent injury to either of you, you should at least consider giving it a try- at least once. I recently was in a sexual situation where a very turned on partner asked me to go retrieve my belt from the other room. Since I was a little tipsy, it was not until I had retrieved the belt and was walking back to the bedroom that I thought “oh no- what is she wanting me to do with this?” The good news is that nobody was permanently injured and yes- she seemed to really enjoy it.

I often perform ‘couple training’ services for couples where a woman is incredibly turned on by the idea of two men handling her body in a safe and sexy way. Whether they admit it or not, many women are extremely turned on by the idea of being an erotic center of attention, worthy of four hands exploring and stimulating her most sensitive places. For those couples whose conversation eventually evolves to scheduling a session with me, their experiences are universally positive, with the male partner coming away from the experience with some incredible tools that he can use to satisfy her for the rest of their lives.

But most of all, couples who have regular, open and frank conversations about sex are going to be more finely tuned into their partner’s wants and needs. When she shares that she really liked the way you grabbed her at that moment, or when he tells her how that thing she did or said really turned him on, you have each become armed with really important information that can help you stimulate your partner. The best sexual partners listen carefully to their partner, paying close attention to what turns on and excites their partner. And you need to be listening not only during conversations about sex but during the buildup and the sex experience itself.

MAKE TIME FOR SEX

This is probably the most problematic obstacle for many busy couples today. The demands of kids, family, and work often leave little time or energy remaining to meaningfully engage in sex with each other. For some couples, sex moves far down the list of priorities (beneath kids, work, paying the mortgage, etc.) until it becomes something couples occasionally do as mere maintenance, like washing the car or mowing the lawn (but hopefully more frequent). If this sounds like your situation, you need to make sure you make time for sex. And by making time for sex, I mean phones, televisions, computers and any other electronics are turned off. Set the mood with music, fragrant candles or anything else that puts either of you in a sexy mindset. If you have kids, it means you hire a sitter or get out of the house. Making time for sex means removing all distractions and allowing each of your attention to be focused exclusively on sexually connecting with each other.

Couples who regularly make time for sex will always be sexually connected. And where the couple effectively communicates about sex and makes time for sex, this is a recipe for a long and passionate sex life. And who doesn’t want that?

A CHANGE OF SCENERY

I always recommend busy couples make time for each other with a regular ‘date night.’ The simple act of sitting alone with your partner, away from the kids and the demands of work, and eating a delicious meal while finally looking into each other’s eyes and connecting as adults is essential to any healthy relationship. But after date night, many couples return home to the chaos and routine of kids and chores at home. Instead, I recommend couples try to have an occasional date night end with them retiring to a hotel, AirBNB, or other place away from the stresses and distractions of their regular life. And for couples with the means and opportunity to take an occasional trip or vacation together away from the kids, I highly recommend it.

When a couple allocates time and money to focus their attention on each other— they are saying that their partner means so much to them that they need to put everything else away to satisfy the one special person who they have chosen to make the center of their world. It’s one thing to stand in front of friends and family to profess your eternal love, but a couple takes it to another level when they occasionally put everyone and everything else in the rearview and focus on loving, enjoying, and satisfying their partner sexually in a place free from distraction.

Even for couples without the financial means for sex getaways, a change of scenery can be as simple as a kitchen or backyard romp. If your particular change of scenery includes a balcony or other public place, please exercise caution. An arrest for public indecency is definitely not worth the temporary thrill. But by exercising sexual desire outside of the bedroom, both partners are expressing a passion and need for their partner’s body that is so great, it simply cannot wait. And that is very hot. So change the scenery every now and then, you’ll be glad you did.

SPICE THINGS UP

Many couples experience ebbs and flows of sexual desire and fantasy. While sexual drives between partners might not always be perfectly aligned, couples who are making time to talk about their sex life and who also regularly make time for sex with each other often benefit by “spicing things up.” Now what it means to “spice things up” varies widely. For some couples, it means going for it one night on the dining room table, but for others it can mean beginning the night in a sex club and ending with a sex romp with a hotel room full of strangers. And there are obviously many, many places in between. Some couples introduce toys to the relationship as an additional tool to satisfy her. So long as she doesn’t insist that the toy become a permanent fixture of their lovemaking, introducing toys to a healthy sexual relationship can be very… stimulating.

But by openly sharing sexual fantasies with each other, partners can quickly decide which of their partner’s fantasies are on the table for discussion, and which must remain a fantasy forever. The more open-minded the couple, the more possibilities for sexual exploration exist. Performing and training couples in yoni and tantric massage, I tend to work with many couples “in the lifestyle” or who have very open-minded sexual attitudes. For those couples, I am free to proceed through the service and can expect nothing but enthusiasm. I am always in awe of swinging couples and the way that they each prioritize their partner’s pleasure above their own egos or insecurities.

However, my favorite experiences tend to be with more conservative couples where one or both have communicated what a turn on it would be for her to experience a yoni massage from a trained expert. One or both of them are often nervous going in, but they are always very happy when it’s over and I pack up and we say our goodbyes. They have trusted me to guide them through a sensual and erotic experience, and I do not disappoint. I take great pride in being respectful and compassionate to both members of a couple booking my service, and I always make sure I am clear about each’s boundaries going in. And I also make it clear that sometimes they might feel so comfortable during the service that they might want to adjust those boundaries as we go through the process— but that only they can adjust the boundaries, and I will never press beyond the boundaries we have all set and agreed to. So for many couples uncomfortable with swinging or threesomes, a yoni massage experience for her is a safe alternative. She gets to experience the skilled handling by an expert in providing orgasms, while he can enjoy watching his sexy wife writhe in orgasmic bliss knowing that the provider will respect all boundaries set and will never pose a romantic threat to their relationship. And he might actually learn some great tips and tricks from said expert.

And for those more open-minded couples, sexual adventures can include threesomes or swinging. For some couples, it can be a “one-time” special experience, but for others, it can be them collectively dipping their toes in a pool of wild sexual adventure. I once wrote an entire blog article about why threesomes are a very common male fantasy. In it, I wrote “there is no more appreciative and loving person on earth than the man whose wife or girlfriend surprisingly participated in a threesome with him the night before.” I stand by that statement, with anecdotal personal evidence in support. When a couple is open and nonjudgmental about sharing sexual fantasies, it truly creates a path for sexual exploration together. If a truly loving partner hears that their partner desires a threesome with another man or woman, or swinging with another couple— he or she should at least consider trying it. By talking about it as a sexual fantasy that the other would like to share together, it immediately becomes less threatening to the relationship. After all, a man or woman looking to cheat or stray would do it covertly— they probably would not engage their partner to do it together. But bringing anyone else into a couple’s sexual orbit requires detailed conversation about limits and boundaries. And if any remnants of jealousy or insecurity remain, then such an endeavor probably shouldn’t happen. My experience with swinging couples is that many are in extremely stable and loving relationships, and their sexual adventures are the mere cherry on the top of their heathy relationship sundae.

Spicing things up is almost always fun for a couple. Together, they have shared and explored something sexy and new. And they have broadened their sexual horizons. Together.

In summation, it is important that healthy couples try to avoid falling into a dull sexual routine. Especially when one partner is not fully satisfied by said routine. Having open and nonjudgmental conversations about sex, making time for sex, occasionally changing the scenery, and feeling free to spice things up now and then will definitely help heat up even the chilliest bedrooms.

YoniMaster Rick